I thought about this blog post some weeks ago, so I am not sure how much justice I'll do to it, given that I might have lost some excitement for it and may not remember why I thought it was so important to write out. But here goes: Shadow meditation is something I have recently learned in meditation, and I've grown to really like it; I love the concept, the idea, and I am loving the realizations from it. The basic idea is that there were some parts of our being and our existence that were shunned by society or criticized by someone in the past, and we chose to hide these parts of our being, i.e., we hid them in the "shadow". And over time, these shadow aspects of ourselves are asking to be seen and heard, and brought to the surface or to our conscious awareness. So, the idea is that these shadow aspects attract situations that force us to see and own/re-integrate these parts of ourselves that we have hidden. This idea rests on the notion that once there is a part of us that has been opened, it exists, and while we may hide it, it never really/fully goes away. The short-lived cardboard cupholders at Starbucks had quoted Oprah,"...seek to be whole.."; this idea of seeking to be whole rather than perfect is part of many "new age" spiritual teachings (as I like to call them).
Now, how does this tie into changing immigrant identity, you ask? Well, I've had the opportunity to experience a changing immigrant identity. And while at many times, I struggle with how lonely this path can be, I realize that my struggle is all the more worth talking about so that it may provide comfort and solace to anyone out there who might think they are alone in this. When I moved to the U.S. at 11 years of age, I was obviously 100% Indian. I had no idea that this point was ever going to be debatable. When people would hear my accent at age 13 and called me American-born, I'd be quite offended, because I was so proud of being Indian! At that time, I was also more resistant to changing and assimilating with the American culture. Well, over time, I think it is pretty inevitable that you do change with culture, even if you try and resist. And sometimes, you have to recognize and lose parts of your Indian (or other nationality) personality for the assimilation. I finally began accepting that I am more American than I knew, and in ways that are not even readily communicable.
Well, after being well assimilated or more assimilated into American culture, you run into people who are immigrating from India (or your home country). And they do things that possibly annoy you -- things you understand, because you used to be that way -- but have put aside, bc you are now assimilating with American culture. How many of you assimilators have experienced this? Is the annoyance happening because there is something within us that we are reluctant to accept? Something we know and understand extremely well bc we have been that way ourselves? Can we recover and re-integrate these parts of ourselves? How? How can we remain a previous nationality and a new one at the same time? What would that look like? Do we have any models of how to do this?
And this is where Shadow Meditation comes in. I guess I have been 100% Indian, and living in the U.S. for so long made me think that I am now less Indian and more American; yet the truth is, all of those Indian things are still within me! 100% so. They just don't have a chance to manifest or need to manifest, and so they've been hidden? Some of those things I consciously chose to put away, and some things just happened to go into the shadow.
Yet, this type of hiding in the shadow must be happening to all assimilators! and many immigrants!!
We have a whole national personality under shadows, perhaps? Can we really be as whole as we want to be without fully being BOTH nationalities? It's a gift and a curse, huh? Probably, mostly a gift. I am still working with it, and trying to understand it for myself. So, I do not yet have solutions; what I do have is a greater understanding of the question and some tools and perspectives for tackling it.
#whoamireally
Now, how does this tie into changing immigrant identity, you ask? Well, I've had the opportunity to experience a changing immigrant identity. And while at many times, I struggle with how lonely this path can be, I realize that my struggle is all the more worth talking about so that it may provide comfort and solace to anyone out there who might think they are alone in this. When I moved to the U.S. at 11 years of age, I was obviously 100% Indian. I had no idea that this point was ever going to be debatable. When people would hear my accent at age 13 and called me American-born, I'd be quite offended, because I was so proud of being Indian! At that time, I was also more resistant to changing and assimilating with the American culture. Well, over time, I think it is pretty inevitable that you do change with culture, even if you try and resist. And sometimes, you have to recognize and lose parts of your Indian (or other nationality) personality for the assimilation. I finally began accepting that I am more American than I knew, and in ways that are not even readily communicable.
Well, after being well assimilated or more assimilated into American culture, you run into people who are immigrating from India (or your home country). And they do things that possibly annoy you -- things you understand, because you used to be that way -- but have put aside, bc you are now assimilating with American culture. How many of you assimilators have experienced this? Is the annoyance happening because there is something within us that we are reluctant to accept? Something we know and understand extremely well bc we have been that way ourselves? Can we recover and re-integrate these parts of ourselves? How? How can we remain a previous nationality and a new one at the same time? What would that look like? Do we have any models of how to do this?
And this is where Shadow Meditation comes in. I guess I have been 100% Indian, and living in the U.S. for so long made me think that I am now less Indian and more American; yet the truth is, all of those Indian things are still within me! 100% so. They just don't have a chance to manifest or need to manifest, and so they've been hidden? Some of those things I consciously chose to put away, and some things just happened to go into the shadow.
Yet, this type of hiding in the shadow must be happening to all assimilators! and many immigrants!!
We have a whole national personality under shadows, perhaps? Can we really be as whole as we want to be without fully being BOTH nationalities? It's a gift and a curse, huh? Probably, mostly a gift. I am still working with it, and trying to understand it for myself. So, I do not yet have solutions; what I do have is a greater understanding of the question and some tools and perspectives for tackling it.
#whoamireally
