Just one ticket!

It’s empowering; it’s exhilarating; and above all, it’s enlightening.
You know those days when you really want to do something, and only that one thing? And you don’t end up doing it because you didn’t have anyone to do it with? Or maybe you were dependent on someone in some way that restricted your arms from spreading wide and tied your feet to the floor, stopping you from that flight.
Just get up and fly. It’s that simple.
I sat home for quite some time whining about how none of my friends are available when I really am in a mood to get out of the house, or about how I cannot drive to places I’d like to go to, and how I kept missing out on my life. Instead of sitting at the bus stop, and hoping that the bus would stop on seeing me, all I needed to do was get up and wave frantically until the bus driver had no other choice but to bow down to me and open that door!
I went alone to watch a movie today. The Break-Up. Total chic flick that I’m sure none of my friends were too inclined to watch. I could have let go of it just like the several other movies I miss out on with excuses that I’d watch it when it’s on DVD, or it wasn’t going to be that great a movie anyway. I decided, instead, on treating myself.
I took my ipod, and listening to Lucky Ali, walked to Barnes and Nobles. I read a bit until it was time for me to catch my bus (with those doors wide open) to the theater. After some walking, I got to the theater, feeling a bit nervous to ask for just one ticket. However, I don’t think the guy at the counter gave a damn, and then neither did I. I walked out of there with my head lifted high, involuntarily and happily walking straight-backed for the first time in my life.
I could hear the absurdity in those rumors of how I "stepped over" people in school to get to where I was. How is that possible if you don’t even cheat! It didn’t matter any more whether I looked ugly to the world, or whether people would think I’m a loser for going alone. I made that choice. I enjoyed my own company, I felt bonded with myself, and I did not need to fake a conversation with anyone to have them accompany me.
I smiled while I walked through the mall today, and maybe somebody else saw me, and felt empowered to ask for just one ticket.

I cleaned my desk out yesterday.

I cleaned out my desk yesterday. It was frustrating me that to pull out one sheet of paper, I needed to rummage through the entire mess, and then shove it back neatly into the same mess. Who would have thought, though, that cleaning can be so much fun after all?
Chucking away papers and work from a class you hated is always so fun. I could maliciously waste all the effort of a teacher who printed out mindless copies of paper. She was out to teach of the environment through such an utter waste of trees! And here I was, glad that the class was over, and taking my revenge through the virtue of cleaning. Why did I hate to clean anyway?
There lied my beautiful calculus papers. The hard work that I put into it resulted in more than just 20 lbs of papers. Now these were worth being neatly filed, separated by chapters, level of difficulty, tests, quizzes, notes, notes of notes etc. Can’t wait till I pass this knowledge on to others. Ah! Derivatives and Integrals!
One paper after another, my entire senior year’s experience flashed in front of my eyes. I’ve learnt so much, grown so much. I am actually enjoying this sorting of papers! I’m tempted to keep all of this. Who knows what I might need in college! My economics practice tests ... maybe when I’m bored, I’ll test my knowledge. Yet, if I keep this mindset, I won’t end up cleaning the desk.
And then I realized that cleaning a desk is such a critical moment of our lives! We need to make so many decisions. To keep or not to keep, that is the big question. Would keeping these notes on Shakespeare let me take him for granted? Maybe I should let go, so I can crave to have them again. Would keeping these old projects stunt my growth for newer creative ideas or would they add to my knowledge? Then, why clean at all! Surely, all this knowledge could sit and pile up into a scholarly mess! One scholar of a desk!
I threw out of the desk all that I thought I had gained, and kept what I still needed to understand, with plenty of room for new piles to create a mess that would require sorting again. The process is cyclical, you can say, except each time it becomes more fun, more challenging, and more productive. I guess I’m ready for college now.
That’s why I don’t like to keep my desk clean on a day to day basis, mom! That would make this experience a mere chore!!

Heaven, A Christian Club?

Why do many Christians say that “accepting” Jesus Christ is the only way to achieve salvation? I’m a Hindu, so I guess I will miss out on my trip to heaven. That’s all right, though, because I’m quite content with my religion. Although I don’t think they’re wrong, I don’t believe in everything they teach because there is no way to know the truth. I just pick and choose what I truly like about the Hindu teachings and attempt to follow those. If Hindus don’t claim to know the “truth”, then why do Christians?
Don’t get me wrong; I don’t have anything against the religion. I just want to question certain things about the Christian religion that baffle me. Whenever I ask someone if indeed it says in the Bible that you go to hell if you don’t believe in Jesus, the reply has always been a hesitant, “yeah, pretty much”.
Does that mean that there is a heaven just for Christians? Does it mean that heaven may, in fact, just be a Christian society, where they are happy to have no dissenters? If so, I prefer going to hell, since there I can be with the rest of my family, and many of my other friends, who are of different religions. To me, that in itself, is heaven.
Two of my friends who were Jewish originally, converted to being Christians without their parents’ knowledge. They both had studied the Christian religion and found it to be the TRUE one. I felt compelled to ask them what they saw in the Bible that they did not see in the Torah. The answer was that they were now “saved” because of Jesus Christ. How so? Because now they get to go to the very cool Christian heaven, unlike the rest of us?
I usually do get a sympathetic look from the strong believers of the Christian faith, as if I’m to be felt sorry for because despite being a good human being, I might end up in Hell. Many of them have even told me that I don’t know the truth and that THEY do. Wouldn’t it be funny if they found me in heaven, and realized how foolish they were to waste their life pitying me, when God loves us all? Perhaps being good was enough, after all.
I found a discrepancy in their belief. Either my perception of God was completely different, or that we even have different Gods just like we have different heavens. A Catholic friend of mine told me that it’s the way most people interpret the Bible that causes the misunderstanding. Laura believed that when the Bible says that you must go THROUGH Jesus to attain salvation, it meant that Jesus is symbolic of the GOOD in the world, and therefore, you need to be a good person to go to Heaven. Makes sense to me.
Nevertheless, when I asked if that were true from my friend Jennifer, who is a committed protestant, and a pastor’s daughter, she refused. She explained to me that according to her, since Jesus was the son of God, yet also represented the perfect form of being a human, Jesus was like the “middleman” between God and humans. Therefore, when you die, you go to Jesus, and Jesus “presents your case” to God. He tells God that you have tried to imitate his footsteps throughout your life, and so he recommends you to heaven, and then God decides. So, basically she said that you need Jesus to get to God, and therefore to get to heaven.
To me, that made much more sense, yet I was still doubtful about certain little things. If God knows us so well, and loves us so much that he sent Jesus Christ to absolve us from our sins eternally, then why can’t we talk to him directly? Why do we need Jesus? Her answer was that God is so perfect, he cannot possibly know what it’s like to be human, and so he needs Jesus. God wants us to accept the proof of his love that he sent to us: Jesus Christ. Okay, I understand that now. I just don’t agree with it.
I think my God wants us to simply lead a good life whether you believe in him or not. I highly doubt that he wants recognition for his work although he deserves it (that’s if he really does exist). If indeed the Christian view turns out to be right, I’d be ashamed of my God, just because I, too, expect perfection from him, and that is not my view of perfection.

Glass Half Full

Somebody once told me they believed in what they wanted to believe in, and that stuck to me. Being full of faith that there must be some type of God, I was quite content with whatever was on my plate. I'd say that even if there isn't a God, it doesn't hurt to pray just in case someone is listening.
How can you believe in something that you really don't believe? You can pretend to, I guess. And what good is that? I want there to be God so badly, but I'm starting to believe that maybe we really just are. No purpose. No direction. No meaning. Just Life.
After that, how can you have faith in anything at all! Yet, what if you so badly want to have faith, because you have faith that in believing so, you will be able to accept situations, love them, and be able to move on to greater things.
In mere existence, if that is indeed why we are here, we have the (potential) truth. But what good is the harsh truth that only discourages one from Karma. Why does society crave to be stable, when our existence itself is not?
And of course as Keats says and I agree, "Beauty is truth, truth beauty, - that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know." To me, life is more beautiful with its mystery, and so I guess that's my truth. No need to unravel it. I don't want the truth, for once.
Whether there is a God or not, I think those that believe in Him are much better off. So don't find reasons not to believe, find reasons to believe. See the glass half FULL.
If you see the glass as half empty, yes you see the truth. But does the water you drink from the glass taste better knowing it is only half?
I know truth is beautiful, but so is faith.