Princes and the Pea

There is nothing like taking a break from regressions to jot down a blog post. I started to think about my favorite fairy tale/story when I was growing up: The Princess and the Pea. As with anything in my life, things somehow stand out, despite me knowing what they mean, why they matter, how I will relate to them in the future. This book, too, has always been something I thought about. As a little kid, I loved the story because how weird and strange it seemed. Growing up, I’d often wonder why I liked this story, what is my favorite part. I’d think of it over and over.

Today, I thought about how depressed the Prince was as the beginning of the story, and how I did not understand that depression then, as a child. And how could I have! Yet, this was a story meant for children, oddly enough. I often thought about how the Prince was kind of superficial because he did not like a certain physical feature of one princess or another physical feature of a different princess – but he went around saying he wanted a “real” princess – what did he even mean by real?!!

Then, I thought that the prince was kinda shallow for wanting someone from the royal bloodline, just for the sake of her being from this royal bloodline, which bothered me about the prince as well, and didn’t mind his depression. Also, I didn’t like that the mother of the prince finally came up with the idea of how of find him her princess, and he could not find the real princess himself.

All that having been said, I find myself finally understanding and perhaps re-interpreting what the search for “real” means. I find myself using that word often in my quest now. Moreover, I also hear it from other people. It seemed weird to me at first because I thought everyone already was real, so why are we looking for real people. I noticed, however, there is a lot of time and energy spent in people trying to be something they are not – and I thought this was over in middle school! However, I think people got used to avoiding being their real selves for so long that it became even more embedded in their being, so much so, that it takes a lot to get to know someone’s real self these days. 

I can’t even say that they are being dishonest to me, in particular. I think they have just been dishonest with themselves now for a long time, and can no longer realize it. This also applies to me, of course. It’s so beautiful to rediscover the real parts of yourself that you had secretly covered up somehow, because you did not think they were acceptable. I’m not sure if the Prince understood this then that it was not someone’s nose or their eyes that he had difficulty, the issues ran deeper than that. 

It’s amazing how those real parts of ourselves are so crucial in making us who we are. Owning and understanding them seems like such a key to unlocking your own potential and your own gifts. As I try to do that more for myself, I noticed how many fucking peas I have places and how many mattresses I have placed to create filters to find my real prince as well. I think I was always the girl that wanted to be found when I was invisible. I wanted to be the diamond, but maintain the rough around myself for filter sake. I kept my ugly photos, I kept my ugly attitudes, ready to throw them forward when it seemed like the guy may leave me some day. I wanted him to move past my worst, and love me anyway. 

The princess is deemed the real princess because she expresses severe discomfort in her night’s rest at a pea that is placed under 20 mattresses! This proves that she is not lying, and knows the real comforts of having been pampered as royalty. 

I only ever wanted to be the Pea full of love that my Prince could not deny the existence of despite all these layers of mattresses that I had cleverly placed on myself so that my Prince would come find me. Though the context of the story is a bit different, I figured my real Prince would have to know life without the Pea, and the undeniable recognition of the effect of this Pea. And hopefully, unlike the neglected pea in the story, he’d come looking for this crazy Pea full of love, and know that it is also the power of this whole untainted Pea that rises through all those mattresses and keeps him awake at night, and hopefully torments him with pure undeniable love.

The trick for the Pea, my mature realization says, is to remain true to its form despite all the mattresses. Or to remove all the mattresses – but where is the romance in that, my love?