I am pretty sure I friend-zone myself

We’ve all heard of boys being friend zoned. But have you ever heard of a girl friend zoning herself? Well, I haven’t, but I think I totally friend zone myself. I partly blame Bollywood for it. But I mostly thank Bollywood for it.

I have often heard from men that I did not give them the right signals at the very beginning, making them think I would not be interested in them or wanted to be just friends. On top of that, I try to be as good a friend as I possibly can be. I think those are the grounds on which I get myself friend zoned and lose in this apparent underlying "find your mate" game. Plus, maybe I am in between being hot attractive and ugly, so my middle ground looks combined with my highly friendly behavior keep me in this zone. Sometimes, I have chosen to hang out more ugly/casual to keep myself grounded in friend zone.

I wondered to myself – have I chosen this zone for myself? To some extent, yes! I thrive in this field – I think friendship is as pure a relationship as there can be and I try to always stay as purely friend as possible. When friendship seems to be going any other way, I act only and purely as a friend. This gives the signal that I may not ever want more. Instead, the truth is that this is all I know in the truest form. Our society, Bollywood, my experiences have thoroughly trained me for the rules of friendship super well, but not for the dating stuff. Even in times I am not being someone’s best friend, I know HOW to try --so I have been sticking to my guns on what I do know!

What’s funny though is that potentially, this keeps me from exploring more than friendship and dating/romantic connections more. Why am I writing this post? I think it is funny that I get friend zoned – it’s ironic to me because it is a term usually used for men. I also think that many people in my social real life do not know that I am consciously doing my best to be an amazing friend – and in becoming that way, perhaps I am missing out on I myself friend-zone myself rather than friend-zoning the guy. 

I thought that the guy I would want would just see this and get this – but it’s not all that simple. Which is what makes things ironic and makes life fun and worth living. I now get to explore the ups and downs of this friendliness – yes, I can flirt with more people, and I get to be super sweetheart as I respect a person for who they are and get to know them truly. But will I find the sweetheart I believe I deserve? We’ll wait and find out! 

In the meantime, I am super thankful for this ability to serve friendships, to know their value in my life, and know that I have deeply and honestly followed each friendship to the best of my being. Thank you, my friends, for making this zone also my comfort oh so comfortable zone. However, as is the drawback with any comfortable zone, sometimes discomfort becomes crucial for growth. I write this with utmost love towards my friends, towards my younger self who chose this principle as a sacred one to follow, and with the understanding that I may need to try and learn not to further friend zone myself for fear of discomfort. Because then this zone is misusing the sacred name of friendship as a psychological disguise of my fears of journeying further in life.

The guys that get “friend-zoned” often also say that “nice guys end up last.” I do think that trying to be a friend, rather than a girlfriend can make you a nicer human being. And I don’t mind being last (I got lots of things to learn in the meantime!!), as long as patience rewards nice girls with nice patient loving men.