I had walked into a friend’s apartment once to find on the
coffee table a book that somehow seemed related to zombie behavior in a
metaphorical sense. From a quick scan of the book and by the friend’s
recommendation, I vaguely remember that this book was about leading and
surviving in a world of zombies. I didn’t want to delve too much in the book at
the time because the book had this tone of trying to “win” while the world was
being a zombie. The idea of taking advantage of the world with this zombie problem
did not appeal to me much, but I recognized and understood on some small
inexpressible level the diagnosis of a human crisis that the book was pointing
to.
I just spent an hour trying to find out what this book was,
and am not sure still what book it was – and perhaps it was “the Zombie
Survival Guide” by Max Brooks (I remember it being a similar cover), but don’t
quote me on it because I am not sure, and I have not read this book.
Why this has been on my mind recently is because I am really
trying to “be present” or “live in the moment”. It is so scary to recognize how
difficult this is. Moreover, I don’t know if I am still fully present even when
I try to be or think that I am. I guess I am more present than I would be if I
were not trying to be present at all. Yet, I am pretty sure I am far from being
fully present. Well, this is something I hope to work on during this upcoming
year – my resolution for the year 2015 – to get better at the art of being
present, as present as possible.
What scares me is when I remind myself to become alert and
become present, I am so aware of the fact that I wasn’t really present for the
last half hour or so. Where was I? I am also forced to recognize that I might
have missed a lot of my life in this way by not being present. Of course, I
cannot recover those moments, but I can start to be present today. I found it
so difficult to do, in fact, that I wondered if others had already mastered
this technique, and I had just been lost in my thoughts all these years. I
spoke to my best friend, and shared my deep concern regarding my inability to
stay truly present. She told me that she too finds it pretty hard, and that
perhaps many people go through this and do not recognize that they may not be
present in the moment. Are we all really sleeping, unaware, and zombie-like?
I had picked up this theme long ago from Adam Sandler’s
movie, Click, which is still listed as one of my favorite movies on facebook.
I’ve been thinking about this movie a lot recently because I have this clear
moment of snapping back into reality, checking around me and realizing oh wow,
I need to catch up because I was gone for a bit. That I fast-forwarded some
part of my life, and that I don’t know what happened in this potentially
beautiful world around me.
The spiritual talks I have been listening to speak about
this as well – not paying attention, not being alert to the world, and being so
involved in one’s own psyche that I am not aware of the Universe unfolding
around me.
I had gone to see Scarlet Johansson’s movie Lucy solely
because the idea of someone being able to use more of their brain than we
typically do resonated well with me. This ability of being more aware is what I
wanted to learn more about. So, of course, without heeding reviews or advice, I
went to watch this movie, and was thoroughly disappointed and walked out in the
middle – because I could not get the sort of insight from this movie that I was
hoping for.
I have recently run into people who I think are being even
less present than me. I was thankful for the ability to recognize and know
this. But I realized, we all slip, and it happens at different times and
because of different triggers for each individual. I guess the key here is not
to drown in your thoughts and your emotions, which are generally stemming from
things in the past and from concerns about the future. The idea, I am guessing,
is to take and appreciate this moment exactly for what it is and even for what
it is not. It’s funny to notice though how my mind is conditioned to cover up
reality and to cover up the current moment with so many other thoughts and so
many other opinions and perspectives. To choose dry and crisp reality seems so
difficult – and then even in moments when you know you are experiencing truly
this present moment – what do you do with it? Just be with it (even if it feels
empty or boring), is what I think I am supposed to do. And that precisely is
what I am hoping to be able to do well in the next couple years to come.
Two quotes resonated well with me recently, and I am not
sure I will be able to phrase it exactly so, but something along the lines of:
when you go against reality, you lose. – Mickey, Temple of Universe
And the other approximately said: One of the more difficult
things in life is not to learn, but to “unlearn” – (will have to find the author
and cite later). I am trying to unlearn and uncondition my mind from covering
up reality as it so naturally does. It is painful, not sure why yet, to stay so
present, but I commit to trying.
I used to make this joke before when I would take my glasses
off – that sometimes I do not want to see all of the world – essentially
implying that taking my glasses off is a way to dull my senses, and that I can
use that break sometimes. I guess I am going to try to optimize and maximize my
ability to stay in my senses and in reality as much as possible, without
letting go of dreams and aspirations (recognizing them for what they mean to me
in the present rather than letting them crowd out the present).
What’s really amazing and what I’m so excited about is my
intuition that staying present in one moment of time infinitely expands time
(or at least the perception or the use of it) – such a seemingly crucial
constraint on life, especially from the eyes of an economist.
I am not here to win while the world is becoming a zombie; I
want us all to partake in this awakening, and walk with each other through that
discomfort of being present.
