Coffee Shop Men

My facebook feed today inspired me to support my single ladies as they navigate the world of dating with courage. I saw some of them finding hope in articles that claimed research favors men choosing partners that are equally as successful in their career as the men themselves. I saw some Indian girls writing daringly about their dating and breakup experience, with many Indian girls coming out to support and showing understanding. They wrote about how they were played and how hurt they were, but how they recovered themselves and felt this amazing space of comfort in their body once it was over.

I have also recently seen some close friends struggle through breakups or close to break-up crises. Many of them are stepping towards courage to ask for the unthinkable and to label themselves as divorced, separated, or cheated on.

So, I am also adding my two cents to this discussion of finding love. I read an article yesterday because I felt like I was attracting the wrong men – and have been feeling this for a couple years now – that all of a sudden I have been getting an asshole share of men and the committed intelligent caring men are disappearing from my life. I was asked recently if I have been played before – and despite all my intelligence and pride in how I carry myself, I cannot deny that I have indeed been played before. The article I read really resonated well with me – it said I am not attracting players, I’m merely accepting their behavior, so I should stop it.

This article helped me be proud of all those times I did stop a potential relationship because I felt I was not being treated well. Raising my voice creates demand – as we share this journey with each other; we strengthen this demand for higher quality real men – so the assholes and players can take back seats and learn from the genuine caring men. I also don’t want to encourage men that point to cheating men or players and say that you can either have this lazy boring guy or that guy over there that’ll break your heart. Women deserve to have a choice in between these two extremes – this can only happen if they stop settling for extremes and demand that people fill out the middle of this spectrum. I can foresee it happening, and I am so proud of this new era of ladies and the new sharing/friendships we are creating.

Coffee shop men? Well, I am the type of girl that loves working at coffee shops for the company yet inspiration and solitude these places provide for me to thrive. Almost any time that I have met a guy at the coffee shop though, he turns out to be mostly talk, less substance. I used to find the idea of finding the man of my dreams over some chit-chat on a random day at the coffee shop, but these men seem to be here exactly to pick up girls that think that. The serious guys that are smart seem to be seriously studying at home or in their labs – not necessarily coming out here to look as if they study a lot. They would probably be happy to step out for coffee with a girl they like – I’m leaning towards meeting a guy like that these days. I just find it ironic to think where I started and what I am finding. Where clubs seemed to have been a bad place to meet guys, I’m not sure coffee shops are all that better. So, over time, the muscular good looking men that happen to place themselves right by me at a coffee shop no longer distract me because I learned a bit or two in this world and can know it to be locked in as truth because it is from my experience.

Generally, I keep my posts more positive than a “beware” post that is full of fear – so here is my positive take on it: don’t be scared of the hot guy at the coffee shop but just be aware this may only be an act. Stay curious, get to know him. Enjoy the time that he tries to flirt with you, but know what your bottom lines are so you know when to walk out from that conversation and what you are taking forward from this conversation. I would have had trouble understanding why these men are spending their time not studying/working and are trying to build lying skills to play women – this cannot possibly make any human being happy? Then again, I also know women who are trying to keep multiple men options open for themselves, without following their heart and going for the kill on the one guy they do like. And all I have to say to all of this is let’s get some dignity and let’s get productive with our lives – the journey is way more exciting than working on developing skills that only encourage your insecurities rather than help you overcome them.

Much love and peace to you all <3 o:p="">