I packed myself some Bollywood for life

There is too much criticism of Bollywood. My friends, my cousins, many people have commented on Bollywood as something so dreamy and unrealistic. I have often been upset at the thought of how Bollywood could have potentially ruined me forever. However, today, I want to take a moment, and seriously say, fuck all of that, I love Bollywood!! 

I have often seen Indian women, myself included, who are truly dreamy and grew up on Bollywood, and believe in Bollywood feel-good romance, but feel disappointed when that is something that they don’t encounter in life. While reality is something we must come to terms with no matter how dreamy we are, I believe that the Bollywood in a desi girl is beautiful. Girls, wouldn’t you love it if there was a guy from Bollywood movies, that really was just like those movies? For that matter, wouldn’t you love it if a guy that you met reminded you of a Hollywood movie even? I know, I would. 

The world has tried to shame me for being a dreamer, but has also blessed me with beautiful people that silently creep up in my life, and inspire that Bollywood keeda in me again. It doesn’t go away! I am just going to come out, and admit it. I am infected, and I don’t see a cure. Moreover, I think I don’t care too much for a cure. I love hard. I love Bollywood style. I am mushy-gushy. I want to believe that there is the guy out there for me. 

Because I truly believe that kal ho na ho, I’m okay with staying a dreamer. I have one life. I don’t want to miss out on the “reality” of it. So, I do realize I need to not paint everything with such dreamy-ness, and see it for the muck the world can be at times, but there is nothing like a window frame made of humor and art to look at humanity with. This perspective helps me live my best.

I often look at my most difficult situations in life – and there are usually three types of reactions – one is laughing at the irony of the situation , the other is deep hurt, pain, or suffering, and the last is usually an song playing automatically in my mind.

My brother texted me, called me “Ms. Filmy”, people that wanted to harm me spoke of me as the dreamy girl who believes in Bollywood too much, my Bhabhi whatsapped me to let me know she was missing my bollywoodness, a friend told me that he knows how I would think because he has seen Karan Johar movies. I have a song for every moment, for you, for me, for the guy on the street. From bollywood, from Hollywood.  

Someone told me I am like Kareena from the jab we met song – how did they know I related so much to her in that song?? I took that as a compliment, just like so many others. I love feeling like I am living my Bollywood life in my own way each time I cross the plaza of Americas and I let the breeze caress my long Bollywood hair. The friends around me have grown to love Bollywood songs, so much so that sometimes I forget I have lived in the United States for most of my real life. I moved from India, and for better or for worse, never got to live there enough to view it from a cynical inside routine citizen view. This is my story. I got to live in India at a time when I could do nothing but dream about a life of love and beauty. Then my parents brought me here, and gave me that to the best of their ability. What else could I possibly ask for? I have no reason to believe dreams don’t come true! I go around driving my car, with the windows down, playing bollywood songs, with the secret mission to infuse Bollywood-ness back into people’s hearts, even if it is in an obscure town in Florida, where no one quite gets what it is I might be trying to do. 

Yes, I have been heartbroken, tragedy-stricken, and penniless (okay, well maybe not penniless), and I still believe my life is the fucking tops, because it isn’t over yet!! My journey goes on, and as long as I am hopeful, I see my story as a Bollywood movie playing out. 

I still connect deeply to Rani Mukherji from Mujhse Dosti Karoge, I cry like crazy in DDLJ, I carry Naina and her lessons from Kal ho na ho in my heart, I think of Karishma cursing out God in Dil toh pagal hai, and each time I bring up any of this in conversation with any desi girl who grew up on those movies, I know her heart also rings similarly. Some of us just don’t believe that any of that is true. Well, what is true, is that we feel it, in our hearts. We know what emotions Bollywood and its music can invoke in us. Our fear is usually that this feeling will get us carried away, so we want to avoid it. Someone close recently reminded me that my actions shouldn’t reflect my fears, but my hopes. And I truly honor Bollywood, and its ability to keep me connected to my dreams, to live a dreamy life, to live the life I’ve always dreamt of. 

I am honored if I remind you of Bollywood, because I love Bollywood, even when I hate it at times. I hope I stay Bollywood for the man of my dreams – yes there I said it, I believe he is out there looking for me. And if this is part of how I represent a piece of the culture I once lived in, and if I can bring a bit of Bollywood into the west by being stupidly idealistic about love, I humbly accept my role. Mostly though, I know no other way of being.